Hindsight 2020 or looking
ahead
This year has been one I
have struggled through quite a bit. I really thought we could get a great start
on so much and really make things work for us. Wow how wrong was I on so many
accounts. See we ended 2018 with a partial roof and all the materials to get it
finished in the next year. Finishing up
that school year was one thing that was one thing that kept me from getting things
done, by the time I got home I was too tired. By the time spring got here the temperatures
seemed to be unbearable close to 100 degrees every day, on the bright side my
husband finally got the back surgery he dearly needed. That was another setback.
Once school started this year I had chosen
to accompany a student to Atlanta every day for several months and didn’t get
home sometimes till 6 or 7 o’clock in the evening.
In between times we had
several litters of pigs and sold a few and lost a few, including our dear
goats. Sad that this area has a he population of stray dogs that get dropped
off and take a toll on the farmer that work so hard for their animals stock. We
are expecting babies any day now. We have had a good share of eggs and no chickens
were lost and the guineas are fully grown new and will be laying in the upcoming
spring.
We have had family setbacks,
aging parent and big decisions to make for my side of things. My youngest
sister has taken my mother in and is caring for her these days. That is a
blessing on my part since mom really didn’t want to spend the time with us. I
thank my sister from the bottom of my heart. The newest arrival on my husband
side of the family is my step daughter and her precious Willow. That is
exciting in itself. We would love many more but as it stands now no more babies
for us.
Now comes the hard part to
deal with, I quit my job due to over stress and disagreements and I have been
searching for a new job. It is very hard for me to think about this because
sometimes I feel like I should not have quit, but my health and mental being
was far more important for me than continuing to work under those conditions.
This was a hard decision to make because I am the head of household since my
husband is on disability, and the more I made the less his check was. He seems
to make it tough on me at times because I just can’t function on the level I
did before and that sends me deeper into depression. The holidays and shorter days make things
that much more excruciating for me. Not that we celebrate but that family members
don’t think we exist towards the end of the year because they are off doing
their thing with their families.
I bought a car this
summer and I was so happy we could now have our own freedom to go which hadn’t
happened in so many years. But that lasted only a few months and my clutch went
out. I was having to be carted around again and that meant back and forth to
work, which was a lot farther than just going to school and back. I hate being
a burden. Now it seems that is all I am.
Here we are at the very
end of the year once again and decisions of so much has fallen upon my
shoulders to find a new job and that has been hard being I am soon to turn 60
and really no true experience of any sort. I just want to go back to serving my
time as a full time pioneer* but someone has to make the bills. I get thousands
of jobs in emails, but only a few have called or answered back. For now I just
pray things will be better in 2020. Hindsight I have learned a lot of hard
lessons. I have gained a lot of self-control. I have learned to humble myself
and to except things that I cannot change. I am working on changing things even
more by simplifying and ridding the things that no longer work for me. As for
the roof and this house time will tell. Lots of buckets, a good mop and prayers
keep things going there. Maybe 2020 will give me that much. Who knows? I can
only hope for the best for all of us. That is where my hope and prayers keep me
from going over the edge. To 2020!
*Door to door service for
Jehovah Witnesses
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