Do You have a Fear You Just Can't Get Over?

     Do you have a fear of something you just can't get over? I know I sure do and it is something that has been with me all my life . No matter how much I prayed about it or how hard I tried to get over it, it just puts me into a real tail spin and my anxieties are pushing me right over the edge. You see I love to read and I can read very well but when it comes to reading off the written page out loud, I see the letters jumping around the page and changing into words that they are not. Been that way as long as I can remember. Also I have a fear to speak in front of my peers and my tongue gets totally tied. I have been working on being able to speak without starting to shake from the inside out. My brain seems to not match up to my mouth. Funny thing is I can write in somewhat of an eloquent way when I need to and I never have any hard time putting words to paper so I don't understand why I can't speak.. I even ended my college days with a 4.00 GPA which just makes no since in the matter at all. Thankfully I never had to speak in class as it was all online.

    I have always written great letters to let folks know exactly how I feel. I just felt it was something very easy to do. Today I am working very hard to raise my hand in my worship and answer questions and no matter how hard I try even when I have prepared my answer well in advance I just can't spit it out like I planned it to come out and I always feel so stupid and feel everyone wonders where the heck I was going with that answer. Most times I leave out the most important thought all together. 

    I am suppose to be a good example of a well polished person and I still feel like my edges never seem to shine as I open up my mouth. It really makes me feel very small and a huge failure. I hope that some day I can express myself in word of mouth and by pen and paper in the same way. But for now I continue to feel that churning in my stomach and the anxieties coming up in my throat every time I open my mouth. How  in the world I taught classes for so many years is beyond me. I would love to have a Bible study one of these days again with some one who really wants to know what it really teaches. It has been a long time since I really had one that lasted any thing passed the first 5 chapters of whatever book I was teaching out of, so maybe I wasn't so hot after all. Lord knows I do my studying and research. That is what got me through college. 

    Maybe one day ... 

    I did some research, and it truly is really a thing and it is called hyperstimulation  and it takes the body about 20 minutes to go back to its normal self. So I feel better knowing I am not crazy as I thought I was!